It's all gone
I wish I had the drive and passion that I used to.i wish I had the confidence that I used to have. I dont like the person i have become I cant even look people in the eyes because of how I feel about myself.
Self esteem never used to be an issue, I thought i was hot stuff, now i cringe everytime I have to look at myself.
I hate my stretchmarks, I had my rolls, i hate my love handles, i hate my pimply face, i had my spongey orange peel arse, and I hate my legs which are like tree trunks except white.
I dont do anything. I have no motiavation. i look around and feel so overwhlemed because there is so much to do like schoolwork or housework or work to the house that I dont bother starting because the end goal seems unobtainable. I feel like I could never reach the end and the more I do the further it gets away from me. I have no desire to accomplish things and even when i do I still feel that is not enough.
I make excuses for things I dont exercise because I should be doing housework, i dont do housework because i should be doing schoolwork, so in the end nothing gets started because I feel like Im neglecting something else.
I dont know how to get out of this pit, before I used to tackle things head on and get in and do it. Now I sit back and make excuses as to why its not done or why I cant do it.
Why cant I be like the old me? The old me would never have let life get on top of her like this, she would never have let people think they are better than her. She would never have let her house get so messy, or her schoolwork get so fair behind. She would never have let herself go like I have.
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Older Entries
2005-09-06 - Im too selfish2005-09-05 - Ill stomp on the pieces
2005-08-28 - Fat Day
2005-08-08 - Fucking piss off
2005-08-05 - help me
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& thank you, dland!
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