It's been a while

Leeara is now 3.5 years old, and the attitude to boot don't you worry.

Have you ever wondered what on earth you were thinking brining kids into this world?

I ofton wonder if I have done the right thing or now, and admittedly it's when they are sick, or when there are terrible things being publicised throughout the world that make me question my decision even more.

I over worry when they get sick, I know I do. But the thought of something happening to them and losing them just makes my stomach knot up.

I have an old friend who I have known since I was about 13. I received a phonecall from her back in March, after I sent her a message because her Nan had died. She was yabbering away, and then said "and then Nan died'
I was mega confused, until she told me that her daughter had died too. She'd had a febrile convulsion in the bath and drowned, and now I am ashamed to admit that I cannot remember if there girl was 5 or 6, although every ounce of me is leaning towards 5.
5 year olds are not meant to die, and this world is a cruel fucked up place when innocent babies are stolen from their parents and there are still sick fucked up people walking this earth.

I don't know how she copes, I truly don't, I know I wouldn't.

I flew over for the funeral, it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been too. I saw so many broken grown men that day, men who are never the type to cry. Every single minute of that beautiful little girls funeral will forever touch and haunt me in the same way. I had never even met her when she was alive, I felt like a huge hypocrite standing there bawling my eyes out over a child I had never met, but I went to her viewing the day before the funeral, and let me tell you, she looked like she was sleeping, it was almost criminal to close the coffin, she just looked asleep dammit, and I can remember looking at her chest just waiting for it to rise and fall, and it never did.

Totally off topic, but what on earth has happened to diaryland? Everyone on my buddy list doesn't update anymore, ever! Has everone been sucked in by myspace and facebook and the likes of them?

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