Low Life
Both my kids are asleep, can you hear that? The only sound in this house is this keyboard clacking. It's so nice to have 5 seconds peace, to regain my mind and stop it from exploding into a million different pieces.I've been so depressed lately, just as I thought I was starting to get better I hit a real low. I didn't cook,I didn't clean I just smoked and slept and went to work. I barely ate and ignored everyone in the house. I was grumpy and yelled and swore far more ofton than I care to admit.
My poor kids, they didn't deserve it and I know that, but sometimes when I get so low I just can't control myself. I don't want to care for them, or feed them, or wipe bums and bath them.
When I'm feeling this low I don't even want to be here. I have an appt with my doctor next week, it's time to get my head sorted, thinking about trying to numb pain with painkillers or cutting myself just isn't going to improve my qualit of life.
That said I had a falling out with my Mum, and a falling out with my Nan, and I got kicked out of a group that I really loved because months ago I made a stupid selfish mistake, and now the girls don't trust me. Why do I do these things to myself? I end up hurting myself time and time again, and never really learn from my mistakes, I just find something else stupid to do or say.
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Older Entries
2008-03-18 - It's been a while2008-01-06 - Hard to let go...
2007-11-04 - I'm so proud to be a Mother
2007-09-25 - I don't live, I just exist.
2007-09-15 - Mehki is starting to walk!
Credits
& thank you, dland!
♥